Five things to do with your girlfriend on Valentine's Day

It will be Valentine's Day on Sunday, or Independence Day as it's known to single people. It's a day of big kisses on the mouth and bringing flowers that may cause your significant other to sneeze their lunch up. But if you're struggling for ideas, here is a small list of things you could do with your girlfriend on Valentine's Day.

A good Valentine's Day date always ends with the risk of death

1. Cook a dinner together. As you make a casserole, place her favourite flower into the mixture and grind it up. If you're not sure what her favourite flower is, just keep adding random flowers until she looks pleased.

2. Hold her hand. With your other hand, make sure to furiously air guitar her favourite song. When you're done, cannonball into the sea and do a whirlpool dance.

3. Say "I Love You". Repeat it over and over. Each time you say it, get progressively louder and louder until the words can no longer be heard above your incomprehensible screams.

4. Dance with her. Put on some electronic house music and do the naked dance of your sins. If you don't have strobe lighting, just repeatedly turn the light switch on and off.

5. Get the kids involved. If you have kids, stage a house break-in and have the robbers pretend to hurt them in front of your partner. Meanwhile you will be in the other room dressed as Batman, ready to take justice. When it's over, say to your partner "now we know what would really happen if burglars broke in." If you don't have kids, just borrow some of the neighbours. Your partner will love this.

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